Meditations on the Code
by an-angel-in-hell
Summary: Five Jedi ponder the Code, and its relation to their lives... and loves.
1. ObiWan

Meditations on the Code

Summary: Five Jedi ponder the lines of the Code, and its relation to their lives- and loves. Series of drabbles. Siri-Wan, Qui/Tahl, and Anakin/Padme.

Disclaimer: Star Wars, Jedi Apprentice, these characters, ect. are not mine, blah blah blah.

I: Obi-Wan

A/n: So, how it works is this. I have the five Jedi, and I have the five lines of the Code. Coincidence? Me no think so. So, I assign each line of the Code to the Jedi they fit most, and I use that line, along with the theme of love, to write the drabble. This first chapter is in Obi-Wan's POV, set sometime towards the end of the first part of Secrets of the Jedi (when he and Siri are Padawans).

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_There is no emotion, there is peace._

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Obi-Wan had accepted this and the other tenets of the Code since he was a youngling, never questioning the wisdom of the Masters of generations ago. But now, for the first time in his life, he wondered if maybe they were wrong.

Without emotion, how could life exist? Was not compassion- essential to the life of a Jedi- an emotion in itself? Surely the Masters had known that emotion could bring happiness as well as pain. And perhaps, in the end, the happiness was worth the pain.

Ever since he had returned to the Order after Melida/Daan, Obi-Wan had striven to be a model Jedi. But he was in love with Siri Tachi. And the Jedi did not fall in love. Yet… he could not help it. Yes, it was forbidden, but he was not breaking the rules out of malice or spite. He was doing so because to _not_ do so would tear him in two.

But Obi-Wan knew, deep inside, that this could not continue. That they would have to make a choice- each other, or the Order. The necessity of the choice was undeniable… yet to abandon one for the other was unthinkable.

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_There is no emotion, there is peace._

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	2. Tahl

II: Tahl

A/n: So for part two, we get Tahl. I must admit that Tahl just jumped out at me for this line. This is set towards the end of The Ties That Bind, after her and Qui-Gon have acknowledged their feelings. Actually, I suppose it could be during Death of Hope if you like. There must have been something running through her head while she was being held captive…

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_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

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Tahl wasn't quite sure she believed _that_. She'd been around long enough to know that there was plenty of ignorance in the galaxy. Heck, there was plenty of ignorance right in the middle of things on Coruscant- you only had to go as far as the senate building to see that.

Perhaps that was unfair though, she allowed. The Code wasn't meant to apply to the entire galaxy, merely to the Jedi themselves. And ignorance was pretty rare in the Order.

Or was it? Perhaps she, at least, was nowhere near as wise as she thought she was. Or else she'd have noticed that Qui-Gon's overprotective tendencies were more than a simple desire to look out for a friend. Apparently she was more ignorant than she had thought.

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_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

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	3. Siri

III: Siri

A/n: Honestly, though, this is my favorite chapter, although it turned out _way_ more depressing than I'd intended. I have experience writing Siri (unlike with _any_ of the other characters), and can get into her head pretty easily. This one is set at the same time as Obi-Wan's- the end of the first part of Secrets of the Jedi.

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_There is no passion, there is serenity._

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Siri had been told _that_ since before she could walk. She'd always been "spirited"- that was how the crèche masters had put it, anyway. She'd always preferred to think of it as refusing to give up.

But now she had to give up. And she hated it. Without passion, what was the point of living? Sure, the calm, serene Masters who had perfected their Jedi detachment (her own Master was a prime example) were supposed to be a role model for them all. But it looked like an awful way to live. Secretly, Siri had _never_ wanted to turn out like that. She'd always been different.

Like now, with Obi-Wan- stupid, wonderful, _perfect_ Obi-Wan. She loved him, Force knew why. He loved her back. But their love- their passion- was forbidden. A tiny voice inside her was crying out that it wasn't fair, that the Order and the Council and the Code shouldn't be taking away her happiness. But that was the way it was. And so she would deny her love, would strive towards that cold, unfeeling ideal. And that little voice that she had always believed to be the voice of reason- the voice that told her that she and Obi-Wan deserved happiness- that voice would be crushed. It was the only way.

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_There is no passion, there is serenity._

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	4. Anakin

VI: Anakin 

A/n: Honestly, this chapter is more for the sake of completeness than anything else. I hate Anakin, and this line of the Code is often omitted, but… I really wanted to do these five, so… here we go. This one, I think, is set somewhere between Anakin's fall and the duel on Mustafar. Maybe this is what he was thinking about during that awesome scene in RotS where he's marching up the steps of the Temple with the 501st… that was my initial thought.

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_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

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This was obviously a lie. The entire Code was just a way of constricting people like him. Anakin knew that his power would be beyond measure by now, if the Council and Obi-Wan weren't determined to hold him back.

There was plenty of chaos in the galaxy. In the Order, even. And the Council crushed those who had true potential, because they were afraid.

And well they should be, Anakin thought, for he was more powerful than any of them. Chaos? He had within his grasp the power to tear the galaxy apart if he wanted to.

And he would. Without hesitation. For Padme. Harmony seemed like a very, very small price to pay to ensure her safety, to ensure that she would not leave him. Because he was Anakin Skywalker- no, he was _Darth Vader_, and he _would not_ allow that to happen.

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_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

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	5. QuiGon

V: Qui-Gon

A/n: So, this is the end of the Code, and the last chapter. I'm honestly not quite sure about this one. It kind of went in a different direction than I had thought it would (I got up on the soapbox and kind of went on about my Tahl becomes-a-Force-ghost theory, which isn't actually mine, but which I am a wholehearted supporter of). This could be set anytime after Episode I, I guess. Actually, let's just say the end of Episode III, when Yoda and Obi-Wan are on the Tantive IV. That was what I had in mind, anyway, though it doesn't really matter.

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_There is no death, there is the Force._

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If ever there was a tenet of the Code that applied to Qui-Gon Jinn, it was this one. He often though that this was ironic, as he was not the first to achieve eternal life. No, it had been Tahl. The moment he realized that it had been _her_ who had spoken to him, who had brought him back from the brink, he had known that she had done it.

There is no death- that was not meant to be taken literally, Qui-Gon knew. Much of the Code was metaphorical. Rather, it assured that, in death, fallen companions would become one with the Force.

Tahl had not been the first friend Qui-Gon lost. He had been to his share of funerals, seen more than a few friends burn into ash on the pyre. But her death- it had changed him. The moment that the light had faded from her eyes, he had known that he would never be the same. Age old Jedi wisdom- and even the Force itself- had been no comfort.

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_There is no death, there is the Force._

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